Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
