I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
