I accidentally had phone sex last night
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The air was thick with penises
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
