A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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