Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
