That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
