grandma shit on top of the toilet
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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