you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
