The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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