If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
