I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
