A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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