I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
