Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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