Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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