I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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