I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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