I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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