mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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