I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
