ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
