fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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