apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
