If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize