An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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