Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
