would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
