problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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