I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
