Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
