Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
