Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
