Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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