How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize