i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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