On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
