What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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