I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
