I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
