The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
