Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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