Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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