I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
