Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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