i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
