I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
