You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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