I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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