I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
