We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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