hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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