Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
