Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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