"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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