dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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