I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
