rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
