Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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