at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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