Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
