My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
