Me too!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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