Umm I'm too high to move.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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