I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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